i feel like a bloody Psychologist at the moment....

Yesterday two friends of mine got into a stupid fight, (let’s call them B and k) K was annoyed because B didn't hug them when they greeted each other, K didn’t say anything until B was on her way to my house. She sent her an angry text asking why B didn’t hug her when they bumped into each other. So B sent her a reply along the lines of "you told me you didn't like been hugged, I would have hugged you if you asked...” so K got even angrier because she disagrees with that statement. So now there friendship is in ruins over of all things not receiving a hug.

Now to explain why I feel like a Psychologist because of this, due to the fact that K has chronic depression (diagnosed when she for 13). I've known K since we were small children so I understand a lot of her mood swings and random burst of anger. B has only really been close to her for half a year and I do not think B realised that K has depression or no one has told her. So I had to explain to her that although she is pushing her away, it’s in relation to her depression it’s not  exactly what she really wants and when she calms down and rationally thinks about this K may realise that it’s not worth destroying a friendship over. People do make mistakes this is a part of life, so I had to cheer B up and explain to her, what depression actually is and what its effects on moods and so forth are so that she may understand next time what is really going on when she starts getting angry/annoyed or suddenly switches to extremely happy in 5 seconds flat.

After which K pretty much took her anger out on me, after I asked how her day was. but that's okay I know she was just venting at me, not actually angry at me. she knows ill listen to her and try to help her with any problems she may be having. So yea that’s why I feel like a Psychologist at the moment...I know way too much about mental disorders...

Yesterday ended with one of my close friends Mika been diagnosed with childhood leukaemia at 16, we all kind of knew in the back of our minds this was coming but it was still quite a shock to actually know what was making her so sick and tired for such a long time. Especially after just last year with another girl we both knew and were close to, Bec died from the same turmoil illness at 15, she didn't even make it to her 16th birthday. Mika will be starting chemo this weekend. At the moment the cancer is not life threatening but that can change... I just pray it doesn't, I really don’t want to lose her as well...

today she decided to cut her gorgeous long hair, short as it will fall out over time with the chemo... it makes me so sick and angry that kids younger than me are dying from horrible illnesses, abuse etc.. I just wish this would stop happening only last year Bec died I don’t want to lose another friend to cancer it’s just wrong they are both so young it’s just not right....

ill post an update on my intake and such later I'm just not in the mood to do so at the moment...
thanks for reading,
          lots of love Anna<3

Intro of sorts

I've always been insecure about my body ever since my final years of primary school, the "popular" girls always bullied me heavily pointing out my flaws and laughing about them. this lead me to stare at my reflection in the mirror for hours, looking at the flaws these girls had pointed out about my body . high school was quite the same even though it wasn't heavy, for most of it I only weighed 32 kg (70lbs), I had long hair that reached past my bottom, but I cut it off because I couldn't take the consent bullying I received because of it, I never really ate lunch or recesses at school I always gave it away to Friends.

things were alot better after I graduated high school, until I went out with my first boyfriend then I started to hate my body just a little bit more, up until I broke up with him over some things I wont mention here encase he somehow finds this blog.I cut my hair even shorter after we broke up instead of doing something I knew I would regret later on.

I've put on a lot of weight since then 32kg more to be exact (64kg/142lbs), (mostly due to my former girlfriends, mother who was really insistent on giving me large portions because of how small I apparently looked to her.),  I can no longer see my ribs but I can still see my hip bones which does make me slightly happy about my body but only slightly. I wish to one day see my ribs poking threw my skin again as they did in high school...

I'm currently studying fashion design and really do feel like the biggest girl in my class, it hurts allot to be the heaviest girl out of my group of friends I have at uni, I don't really feel I belong in this course with all theses size 0 girls surrounding me day in day out. I'm currently completing my 2nd year of study and just don't feel like I belong with these girls, don't get me wrong I adore the course this is what I want to do as a career I just feel that in order to fit in with this career path I've chosen I need to lose the weight I've gained since my last relationship...

random facts about me you might be interested in knowing:-

- I have short violet hair and hazel eyes
- I love winter, the rain, the cold and everything about the season
- I am a cosplayer (follow the link if you don't understand)
- I am a bit of a geek I love anime/manga and gaming when I have the time
- I adore Japanese fashion and hair styles
- I love dressing up
- I am Bisexual
- I love to paint and draw
- I love the outdoors
- smiles and compliments always make my day (even if I don't fully believe them)
- I have dyslexia so pleases excuse any spelling or gramma mistakes I may have not noticed in my posts..

blog post inspired by .Until The End.

~thanks for reading :),
             lots of love Anna xoxo