Happy New Years

 Sorry I have been away for so long, as for usual things came up all at once that couldn't be avoided..

I have completed my studies at the start of this month  I am now officially a qualified fashion designer and technician. I received my certificate and academic record just last week I got full credits I really don't know how I survived until this point its still very surreal to me that my studies are officially over I still have no idea what I am going to be doing in the future let alone next year...

I had my interview with the arts academy in November and I can honestly say I am horrible at  answering interview questions... they liked my work very much they were fascinated by some of the pieces I had done but unfortunately I didn't get in.... I am okay about it I just wish they would tell you what you did wrong so you know how you could improve.. Ill definitely try again next year at least this time round I know what to expect during the interview.

during December I worked at retail store with B a guy friend I may have mentioned at one point or another. I can honestly say if I was to ever date a boy again it would most likely be him. he is literally the only boy I trust outside my immediate family. he is my best Friend we are always in constant contact with one another always striving to make the other laugh and we get along really well is what I am trying to say. I can see the possibility of us dating at one point or another in the future....

Christmas was intriguing My mum and I went dress shopping for Christmas day while we were doing that I found out I am actually now a size 8 AU/UK (US 6) instead of a 10AU/UK (US 8). my mum got really worried about it she kept mentioning it to all my relatives so I mostly spent my Christmas day reassuring my family that I am not on a diet or anorexic or over stressed/worked etc... the  most interesting thing about that day was hearing various members of my family sharing their thoughts on EDs and body image. I also found out one of my aunty is/was anorexic which didn't surprise me much other than that Christmas was enjoyable time even with all those questions flying around the dinner table.

As for new years eve I will be spending it with B for the most part and with my family for the other part.  which is truly is a good ending to a year full of ups and downs. That is pretty much all I have to say so I will take this opportunity before I go out to wish you all a happy new year~!!   stay safe and most immortally have fun where ever you are~!! lots of love Anna <3 see you all in the new year xx

Happier :)

Today was a lot more better than yesterday, I cringe thinking about the thoughts going through my head yesterday it was like a muddled blur of horribleness but I'm glad its out fluttering in the wind not distorting my mind.

I spent most of today helping my mum around the house, we talked a lot about a whole range of things from problems, news, my friends, life, gossip, opinions and past memories (mostly to do with my brother when he was younger). I love my mum she is one of the most funniest caring strongest ladies I know.. I love my dad too he is as stubborn as a mule and very blunt about things but I wouldn't want another dad for the world no matter how much we argue on things... ^__^

Most of the conversation with my mum was about my older brother moving out sometime later this year - early next year.. I miss him already.. He is my big brother and my best/closest Friend I'm going to miss our stupid, hyper, loud, cheerful, craziness we usually share when we hang out together and all our inside sibling only jokes and so much more.. but I knew this was going to happen eventually I just didn't realise how soon it would be... (oh and my mums not forcing him out this is my brother own decision encase that how its seems in print form)

My Intake

Breakfast:

half 2minute noodles-69.5cals

Lunch:

a quarter a hot chocolate-52.5cals

two oreo-120cals

Dinner:

Chips with some salad-213cals

half a small glass of coke-35cals

Dessert:

4 squares of chocolate-112cals

Total: 620cals

Burned:

cleaning- 732cals

Left over: minus 112cals

That's pretty much it other than I think I'm developing a cold again

thanks for reading,

                   lots of love Anna <3

Failure..(contains some bad thoughts)

 Today can only be described as a failure... I ate way too much fatty, greasy,sugary foods... my mum and dad offered to cook me lunch today I agreed to it.. they made me 2 beef burgers, 1 fried egg, a hand full of fried mushroom slices and 3 slices of baguette with butter... I really don't like eating fried food that often but I don't like wasting food either.. I ate everything but a baguette slice I felt really horrible after eating it all. to make matters worse I ended up binging on chocolate in the afternoon.. on top of that its that time of the month...to finish what can only be described as a  horrible day off my dad made me fried chicken and potatoes for dinner...I hate today, I hate this body so much, I hate being a girl, I hate cramps and I hate food.. I hate it all so much... I wont further this train of thought

I don't like talking negatively or about my ed, I hate voicing these thoughts to people I don't like making people feel sad... I like playing a facade of cheerfulness because then people aren't sad, I'm not the type of person who shows negative emotions no matter how I am feeling inside I will always strive to smile and act carefree no matter what I may be feeling.. but don't get me wrong most of the time I am a happy optimistic person its just when it gets too uncontrollable it turns into a facade of lies on the outside that not a lot of people that are close to me see through..

Moving on to a more positive note about my day.. I watched the movie Easy A today it really surprised me I thought it would be another typical high school film but it turned out to be actually worth watching. The parents are a right laugh. I love Olive, shes quite an intriguing girl. Miranda (and clique) kind of surprised me I've never seen religious extremists used as an enemy clique in a high school flick before xD  definitely a movie I recommend watching.

pleases excuse me for voicing these negative thoughts today, this time of the month really has a negative influence on my mood that and when I cant control what I'm eating.. so yea sorry for being a bit negative.. I wont post my intake today cause I don't want to think about the number of calories I ate today..

so thank you for reading, I hope you all had a much better day than me ^__^

 lots of love from Anna<3<3  

PS- I do like being a girl!, just not when its that time of the month <.<